Everyone always says that when you hold your child for the first time, an incredible love sweeps over you. It seems so cliché to say it, but I've found that it's so true! My life changed forever at 5:53 am on August 23, 2013. I was worried through my whole pregnancy about being a mom. I didn't know if I could handle having this little person be dependent on me for their entire existence. I was afraid of having to plan my life around him, and stop doing the things I like to do. I was concerned about the poop and the spit-up and the long nights without sleep. That may sound selfish, but I LOVE to sleep! But from the moment Jaxon was placed on my chest for the first time, I would have done anything to make that baby happy. This love is the craziest emotion I've ever felt. Sometimes I just stare at him and think how beautiful he is and how I can't believe he's mine! I love to stand over his crib while he's sleeping and see his little face as he stares at his Glow Worm, his eyes getting heavier and heavier until he drops off to sleep.
Being a parent is hard. It does mean that I don't get to do some things that I love. Even a simple trip to the grocery store is harder, takes longer and requires planning. I can no longer wake up in the morning and be ready to go somewhere in 30 minutes. Inevitably, Jaxon will want to nurse, or he'll need his diaper changed...again. It seems that I can no longer eat lunch without him crying his little head off because he is hungry at the same time as I am. Every parent makes these kinds of sacrifices, and some many more, but I've found that I don't mind them at all. As a matter of fact, whatever I can do to make his life better is worth all the trouble
All the worries about being a mother are gone. (Replaced by new worries of course, but that's a whole different post.) The poop doesn't bother me much, and there may be some spit up on my shirt or skirt or bed linens at any given time. Jaxon usually sleeps all night, but he's awake bright and early and cooing in his crib. Even though I am not a morning person at all, it makes my heart so happy to go into his room and see his happy, morning smile. Don't even get me started on the joy I feel when I see him with his daddy. Jaxon absolutely adores his daddy!
My world is no longer the perfectly planned, neat, orderly world it was before. I live every day in a new reality. I love my little family, and I love doing things to make both of them smile. My life is no longer about me, but I don't feel slighted. It's a beautiful, happy life that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. My life revolves around my two favorite guys-and I like it that way!